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Open Letters to Tanks

[note: more than average cursing in this one. I like my expletives when I’m pissed.]

Dear Tanks,

I don’t care who you are. I don’t care if you’ve got a healing offspec or heal in the top raiding guild on the battlegroup or if you’re an expert on holy pallies or my best friend or UTHER HIMSELF.

You do not tell me how to heal in party chat. Hell, or at all. The only people who will ever be able to tell me how to heal will be my holy pally GL and my healing lead. If you want to offer healing “advice”, don’t do it in any public chat, do it in a fucking whisper. I’ll probably still tell you to stuff it unless you do it very politely and nicely in an attitude of helping me be a better healer (rather than the attitude of annoyance that I’m slowing you down because I require time to drink). But I probably won’t drop group when you’re at 14% health with four mobs on you.

Do it in party chat, and all bets are off. Have fun waiting for another healer or making due with the enhancement shaman, you dickwad.

No love,
Apple, your disgruntled holy paladin.

Dear Druids of All Shapes (especially bears),

Innervate does not negate the need to drink. I do not need to conserve my mana so that your fucking Innervate cooldown can keep up with my mana usage. I don’t care if you think you should be able to NEVER STOP ONCE for me to drink because you’ve popped Innervate on me. It’s a great cooldown and I really appreciate it, especially mid-boss fight, don’t get me wrong, but it is not a substitute for stopping to drink every once in a while.

Also, on behalf of Boomkins and Trees everywhere, Paladin tanks, if you want to chain pull and never ever stop for your deeps and heals to drink, and you ask your Druid for Innervate so you don’t have to stop to drink in the midst of your chain pulling… it will almost certainly be on cooldown. Because they need to use it on THEMSELVES, to keep up with you, you jerk. Slow down and watch your healer’s mana, especially.

No love,
Apple, who prefers her filtered draenic water, thanks.

And, last but not least…

Dear Tanktard of the Day,

You know why I use Holy Light instead of Flash of Light? Well, the first is because you’ve got five mobs on you and your health is at 80%, not 95%. The second is because there’s some AoE damage going on with the melee DPS. I’m glyphed for Holy Light, so when I cast a Holy Light on you, even if it overheals you some, it’s also splashing over and healing them a bit, which makes me feel less worried about the state of their HP.

The third is because I don’t want to get too used to using Flash. If I do any raiding before Cata hits, I will be doing it in a Holy Light build, not a Flash of Light build. You chain-pulled the entire room, and only at the END did I pop my low-mana macro. Even if I’d been using FoL, I’d’ve been casting it so constantly that I would’ve wanted to drink anyway. So shut the FUCK up and stop telling me how to heal. I can manage my mana pool just fine – drinking is part of the caster experience, and you can fucking suck up and deal with it.

No love,
Apple, who feels absolutely no guilt for dropping group when you were at 14% health, you asswipe.

Dear Paladin Tank from Durnhold yesterday,

Thank you for being awesome. Thank you for looking out for my mana bar. Thank you for holding aggro. Thank you for taking charge but not being a dick about it. Thank you for not pulling groups that you couldn’t handle. Thank you for putting supplemental buffs on all of us and keeping up with them. Keep being awesome.

Much love,
Apple, who wishes more tanks were like you.

Dear Warlock from Yesterday,

Thank you for soulstoning me. You rock.

~Apple

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Blog Azeroth: Letting People Die

OMG TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO? At the rate I’m going, I figure I might as well get content out there when I’ve got the attention span for it. >_> Don’t hold it against me?

So, Ecclesiastical Discipline went over to Blog Azeroth and asked “When should a healer let someone die?”

Now, I touched on this (among other things) when I was just a babyhealer, in my initial drafting of Apple’s Healer Rules. But having got a bit more experience since then, I thought I’d dedicate a post to this.

I will not stop healing you just because you’re a jerk, especially if you can actually do whatever you’re supposed to be doing. I have bit my tongue and gone through dungeons for the XP with some truly ass-tastic tanks, but I healed them all the same. With the exception of the tank who spent the first half of the run saying pally healers are crap, lol, they should just dps. Thank you, asswipe pally tank, you will be in charge of keeping your OWN damn self alive.

Most of the time, though, my “letting someone die” is reserved for people who put me or the tank on auto-follow, or who just stand around doing nothing. If you’re contributing, even poorly, to the group, I will heal you. Now, if you are continually stupid and I WARN you that if you do it again I’ll stop healing you, I probably will. But then I’ll also rez you, because I’m not cruel, and I like to think I’m not overly petty.

If people die on my watch, it’s much more likely to be because there was too much damage going around, or someone stood in the fire or pulled aggro, or I messed up my VuhDo settings and couldn’t figure out where I put my Lay on Hands button on my action bar.

Still… keep in mind that I could change my mind on a whim… if you ever find yourself in a group with a human holy paladin named Lizzy, best be nice to her. ;) It just might be me.

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Apple’s Healer Rules.

As a babyhealer, knowing healers and having visited quite a few healing blogs, I do know not to expect much consideration and gratitude in PUGs. I know that even when I call OOM and start drinking, there’s a pretty good chance the tank will run ahead and pull anyway. I know that if the tank line of sights me and dies before I can make it into los and get my Lay on Hands off, he’s probably going to be a bitch, even if I point out that he’d gotten out of my los.

But you’d think that a tank could wait, when we’ve all just phased in and I’ve only got a half-full mana bar (I always do, unless I haven’t been questing – my questing gear gives me about half the mana my healing gear does), for me to drink before pulling. And, of course, that time drinking is what I spend tweaking my PallyPower settings, so everyone gets the right buff (mostly me – I use Wisdom on myself for the mana regen, and kings on ret or prot pallys). And directly after that is when I start buffing everyone. I’ve gone so far as to make a macro that says “Please wait to pull until I’ve had a chance to swap my gear, drink, and put up my buffs. Thank you.” that is keybound so I can pop it up whenever I enter an instance. I figure that if I do this and then start drinking, if the tank pulls, he’s an idiot and I will not heal him until I’ve completed those tasks. If the tank or DPS can’t wait for the healer to be ready, they don’t deserve heals.

I really don’t want to be a bitchy healer, but there are some things that just seem like common courtesy to me, like making sure everyone’s ready before pulling. Not if everyone looks ready (which, if their mana bar is only half full, how is that even close to looking ready?) but if everyone is ready. Or not expecting that the healer will ghost, run, get back to your corpse, and rez you while you sit around doing nothing. Now, in the middle of things, if my mana is starting to dip and I start drinking without informing everyone, I’m not so picky about pulling – I’ll SAY that I’m low on mana if I’m low enough that another pull will take me OOM. So I’ll generally keep drinking as long as I feel is safe, run into range/los (if necessary), pop a Holy Light on the tank, and then continue with my usual Flash of Light spam. But if I say I’m low on mana/OOM, and you pull… well, I will drink as long as I damn well please.

So I’ve put together a brief list of Healer Rules; or, what happens when you act like a douche/idiot and I am your healer.

  1. If I come in, declare I need to swap gear/drink/whatever, and you pull anyway, I will not save you. I will finish doing what I was trying to do when you pulled. If everyone dies and I have to run out of the instance to keep myself alive, I will do so. If you bitch about it, I will tell you you should’ve waited. If you STILL bitch about it, I will leave.
  2. If I hit my OOM macro (which declares that my mana is low and I need to drink), and you pull, I will not save you. Same as above.
  3. If the healer runs, you run. I don’t care if we’re the only two that died, for one reason or another. If I have to run back to the instance, so do you. Do not insist I rez you. If you don’t release, I’ll tell you to release and run. If you ask for a rez, I will tell you that if I run, you run. If you decide to be a brat and not release to “make” me rez you, I will vote to kick, or at the very least, suggest we four-man.
  4. If you are DPS and I “let” you die, there are probably one of two reasons: either I was trying my fucking hardest to keep the tank alive to prevent a full wipe, in which case I am very sorry and will give you a rez; or you were an idiot and either pulled aggro off the tank and didn’t try to lower your threat or pulled a group of mobs on your own and the tank couldn’t get them off you in time/was busy with the group HE had pulled. If it was an accident-that-happens (and I know they do), I’ll rez you. If you were just an idiot but it was the first time it happened, I’ll tell you not to do that again, and I’ll rez you. If you do it multiple times in an instance, I WILL STOP REZZING YOU.
  5. Similar to that, if you are the tank and keep repeatedly pulling whole rooms that I can’t heal you through, and by some miracle I survive it, I will not rez you. I’m not talking the first time, or even the second time, but fucking LEARN after that, mkay? Pitch a fit, and I’ll leave.

It’s a pretty short list right now, and I hope it can stay that way. However, with the amount of DUMB going around in the randoms… I won’t hold my breath.